i'm sick, so i'm finally updating

Oh, everybody. I have some advice for you. Never get sinus surgery. I don't care how much your ENT pushes it when you're in the third month of your sinus infection. You will have sinus infections FOREVER AFTER. Also I think I may be getting pinkeye. This is what happens when your sinuses get messed up, people. It's disgusting.

ANYWAY. I figured since I'm home, trying to aspirate my nose and get antibiotics from my doctor, I'd finally update this ish. (Also, my therapist gave me some great life advice yesterday, so I'm feeling a lot better about my life.)

I was going to write about Awake, but you know what, I'm watching Secret Life. I'm sick. Leave me alone.

So, in the latest episode of the Secret Life, Grace thinks she's gay, and her mom just used the exact same line on her that someone used on me - "I really hope you're not gay, because it's a lot harder than being straight. Especially in high school!" But then Grace comes back with a possibly more ridiculous line - "It's not harder, it's way cooler to be gay. I didn't know I was this cool."

Oh, Secret Life, with your weird, twisted messages on literally everything. Why can't I quit you.

Okay, so, Ann's really gay. She's totally cool with being gay now. When did this happen. I guess this is what happens when you go to France? Take a trip to France, become okay with your being a lesbian?

Oh, Ricky! You're so dreamy with your open acceptance of sexual identities!

Oh, Amy. You're so awful, with your trying to force your mother back into her bad marriage and telling her she's not gay. You're awful.

Also, seriously, the fourth of July is not a gay holiday. Holidays can't be gay, because they aren't people. Things that can be gay: none, because things aren't people. Why is this a hard concept? I mean, I guess animals can be gay? Maybe? I mean, animals can have same-sex sex. I don't know if animals have romantic relationships. This gets weirdly into a lot of questions about the queer spectrum.

Honestly, Amy is kind of the worst. She's really being a douche about this. And Ricky is cementing his place as the greatest person on this show, even further. I find it kind of hilarious that they started out being like, BAD BOY RICKY, but then everything they've done since then has just been like, oh wait, you wanted a cast of sympathetic characters? TOO BAD YOU ONLY GET RICKY.

Anyway, my point is, Ricky is the only character who seems remotely nice on this show, with any consistency. Other people are sometimes nice, but all Ricky ever did was sleep around, which he did with little regard to peoples' feelings, to be fair. But he has such a rich and well-thought-out backstory, in a way that nobody else does. Literally nobody else. It's like, everyone else is a caricature of whatever character they'd be, but Ricky is complicated-ish.

Man. They are really making this whole thing really awkward and bad. Dealing with sexuality is a big deal, and you're just sort of hitting it with a baseball bat, Secret Life. Guh.

Or, okay. Nevermind, because Ann's speech is pretty good. Fine. Ann's speech is pretty good, and Ricky is articulating all the correct things about how to deal when someone comes out to you. And, okay, so George was weirdly nice about that whole thing. So I guess it's just Amy being a dick. Ughhhhh Amyyyyyyyy. I'm not surprised that you're being a douche, because you are often a douche, but you had such a good stretch in there of not being a douche.

Oh man, I'm so glad Ashley's back. I love her. She's so acerbic. She's the Jenny of this show. Except better, because she has better hair than Jenny. I am, of course, referring to Miss Jennifer Schecter, of the L Word.

Also, this show is turning into the L Word of high school teen pregnancy shows. Not even kidding. They're running so hard with lesbians right now.


Okay, um, was there a jump cut I missed? Alice and Ben just did it? Um. What? That came out of nowhere. This is ridiculous. This is seriously the most ridiculous show I have ever watched. People sleep together with seemingly no discretion. Pairings happen all over the place and largely at random.

OH MY GOD. Grace just put on some temporary tattoos and put on a baseball hat and is wearing combat boots and says that she's trying out what she'd look like as a lesbian. Wow. Things. Lord.

Ah, okay. I'm getting more on board with this episode. They have a lesbian student show up and tell off Adrian for using kissing a girl as a way to get attention. So that seems okay. And maybe Adrian and random lesbian student are going to start a GSA? Even though their school seems a lot like my high school, where everyone knows everyone else's business but nobody really cares either way.

When I was a sophomore, this gay senior boy and I decided we wanted to start a GSA at our school, so we visited a GSA at a nearby high school to talk to them about how they started their group. We asked why they had started their group, and the boy in charge told us about his car getting egged, and people writing slurs on his locker, and how some other boys tried to jump him in the parking lot after a game once. The boy from my high school and I didn't look at each other the entire time we were talking to the other high school kids. We left and got in his car and sat silently for a few minutes, because the main reason he and I wanted to start a GSA was so we could find people to date. We both felt like colossal assholes.

Though, to be fair, neither of us ended up dating anyone of the same sex in high school, which was sad. But his main crush came out during college, and all of my girl crushes from high school are now married, more or less. So.

SO ANYWAY, to conclude this weird rambly post about Secret Life - being a QUILTBAG person in high school can be pretty lame, and I think that, in the end, they did an okay job of meshing together intolerant attitudes and positive responses, and had some legit talk from some of the QUILTBAGs.

PS, I'm officially declaring QUILTBAGs a thing. It's a thing now.

I dunno. Sometimes I feel like this show does as much harm as it does good. For example, Kathleen's saying to Grace that her life would be easier if she was straight? Maybe I'm just taking that more personally because I got told that when I was fifteen and a little fledgling coming-outer. But I tried really hard to be straight because of that, and I kind of ended up being really mean to a lot of guys. And I stayed incredibly afraid of a lot of women. And honestly, everyone should've pushed me towards the ladies. I MAYBE had a date on Sunday and I cleaned my entire apartment twice. Sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.

Anyway, I don't know how this post got so long. I'm not really focusing. Because I can't really breathe through my face. So. Huzzah. Probably don't watch Secret Life if you can avoid it, because you'll end up watching the whole damn thing. You won't want to. You'll wonder why you're doing it. But it won't matter. You'll watch it all, and you'll wonder why you know all the details.