they deserve to know what up

Hello my friends!

Mental illness is a hell of a thing. Over the past eight months I've been dealing with suicidality, paranoia, anxiety, a little bit of hallucination, and so much depression. What a time! It's been so fun. (You can find a lot more updates and diatribes about mental health over on my Instagram.)

Lucky for you all, this means I've been watching a lot of TV. Like, a lot a lot.

My latest binge friend: Call the Midwife. Such a pleasant, incredibly British show, with the regular appearance of the horrorshow that is live birth. Seriously, I know it's the miracle of life and everything, but dear god is it disgusting. So many fluids.

I'm patiently making my way through it until I get to the gay shit in series 6. Yes my friends, there is romantic lady on lady action! I'm sure it is very British and takes a million years to have anything happen, especially since one (straight) character just had an emotional reconciliation with her beau, the climax of which was a peck on the cheek. Brits! The 50s! I can't. I'm obsessed with Trixie, or should we call her Blondie Queervibes? I know she's not one of the actual quantifiably queer ladies but there's nothing proving that she's a Kinsey zero. I can't really explain what it is about her to you - it is an ineffable sense of queerness, the same thing that those of us in the tribe felt about Kristen Stewart and Ellen Page a few years ago. A lot of years ago, now, I guess.

Also though, there is an absolutely amazing scene in which they intermesh Trixie doing her nails with a back alley abortion. Incredible. You really have to see it.

I can't quite remember how I used to do this. Part of it was that I had desk jobs that left me with a lot of time on my hands and a computer at my disposal, and these days I'm only on my computer when I'm working on my novel, and then I don't really do side projects at all, just hyperfocused on the task at hand. It's awesome, really. I'll wake up with a scene already in my head or a phrase that needs fixing and I can't get to my computer fast enough. I've never really had this relationship to a piece of work before.

What else should you watch? Wynona Earp, for sure - a dark Western with a hard-drinking, fast-talking heroine with a magic gun? (Also some EXCELLENT lady on lady romance. So good.) The Good Place - has it been long enough since I was posting last that I haven't posted about The Good Place? All the excellent character development you could want while also teaching you a fair amount about philosophy, all in the afterlife. Everything Sucks - again, lady on lady romance, but for the teen set (or for older queers to watch and think "why didn't that happen to me in high school?"). In case you can't tell, a lot of my TV watching decisions of late have been based on whether two ladies are way into each other on the show or not.

It's hot here, the way it's hot everywhere this summer, and it's a little humid for Salt Lake. The days are long and the nights are a much more enjoyable temperature. I'm completely shut down by symptoms at night and tired during the day. It is the time for TV, my friends, and it is the time for queerness.